014/365 - What would you do if you weren't afraid of failure?

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What would you do if you weren't afraid of failure?

Interesting, where I paused.

This week, I haven't felt any motivation to write, and I think it's because of this question—and the constant shadow of failure that follows me. I’ve felt drained, lacking the strength to face it.

If I weren’t afraid of failure, I believe I’d be more consistent.
I'd speak freely about my dreams and fantasies. I’d let that more childlike, playful version of myself exist in the open—no longer hiding it away to wear the mask of adulthood, just to survive in a world like this.

And yet, despite the insecurities that whisper in my ear... here I am.
Unpolished, raw, and with a little vodka in my blood, letting my soul pour out what it's held back all week—in the form of words, right here on my blog.

There’s a subtle fear in this act. A gray fog that creeps in when I realize:
These words might be read by those who shouldn’t be reading anything from my life at all.
People who try to reach where they are not welcome.
I feel exposed, judged, caught in the gaze of that shadow I’ve tried to cast out again and again.

But instead of hiding...

Here I am.
Read me.
Keep "spying", pretending I don’t notice.

And while you're at it...
Take a seat beside me, and read.

If I weren’t afraid of failure, I would do even more than I already do.
I’d study more than two languages. Maybe I’d return to my YouTube channel. I wouldn’t care if my projects flopped or went unseen or unread, because the process itself is enchanting.
I’d simply share them with my butler, in our haunted castle, and forget the rest of the world exists.

If I weren’t afraid, I’d connect more deeply with others.
Lately, superficiality has stalked me like a fog I don’t want to walk into again.
I’d speak more openly about the things I’m doing—the personal, the alterhuman, the hermetic magic I’ve been studying, the sacred behind-the-scenes of my Etsy shop.

Maybe I’d even return to making NSFW art—themes of flesh and machinery, soft horror, tender is the flesh.
Things I’m currently avoiding, trying to preserve a space that feels safe and gentle, creating art that holds me rather than disturbs me.

I think I’d do a lot more…
Without the need to polish everything to perfection.
I’d just let things be, like now.
Without fear of the outside world.
Simply… enjoying the process.

I love writing. I dream of writing a book—or many.
And I feel that door is slowly opening wider and wider.

And so be it—
Welcome, everything we dare to do...
Whether it goes well or not.

✧･ﾟ: ✧･ﾟ: :･ﾟ✧:･ﾟ✧･ﾟ: ✧･ﾟ: *:･ﾟ✧

Thank you for reading till here… 💜