022/365 - How do you face self-sabotage?

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How do you face self-sabotage?

Most of the time, I don't.
It's really hard for me to face it. I find myself standing in front of an endless maze of walls, with sensations in my chest that hurt like a block, a closed door I can never fully open no matter how hard I try to turn the handle or find a way to lockpick it.

I think many times impulse wins against my self-sabotage.

But usually, there's a trigger. It tends to happen right before I start an important project.
I don't sabotage myself when I'm just making small drawings—it's when I think about something big.
Recently, I started teaching art, and that stress has built up in my mind, making me believe I'm incapable of teaching something good to others—even though I trust my knowledge.

I believe the key to facing self-sabotage lies in losing the fear of being impulsive and doing things just because you want to.
Taking things less seriously can sometimes help.

We are often too harsh, too cold with ourselves.
We need to become detectives of our own emotions.

Start small things with love, with patience, with kindness.

And don't speak to yourself with such raw cruelty that it wounds.

If your friend were here, or a family member, or someone you love—feeling inadequate and sabotaging themselves—you wouldn't say all the things you say to yourself. Would you?

Of course, saying it is easier than doing it.
But it is possible to deal with self-sabotage.
I face it every day I want to write. Every day I want to try something new.
Little by little, I explore those opportunities.

It can be tough, and leave that painful feeling in the chest.
But I sing every small victory.
And I'll keep singing, until one day, I no longer need to.

✧･ﾟ: ✧･ﾟ: :･ﾟ✧:･ﾟ✧･ﾟ: ✧･ﾟ: *:･ﾟ✧

Thank you for reading this far… 💜